the circle

They say winners never quit, and quitters never win. But I have never quit, and yet I am not winning.

And they say if you do what you always do, you'll get what you've always gotten. I don't always do what I always do, and yet I continue to get what I have always gotten.

I try so hard, and only get the same runaround.

I don't really understand what it is about me that keeps me on the fringe, the outskirts, the perimeter. I find myself in this place over and over and over again and despite my attempts at running headlong into the circle, I always get pushed back.

So I guess being on the "outside" is the cool place to be? Or maybe the people in the circle are all just jerks and deserve to be sinfully happy together? Or maybe I belong on the border because there are other people on the border who need to be loved and accepted and appreciated.

No matter the reason, my heart still wants to be in the circle. It always has. And it is hard when reality slaps you in the face and reminds you of who and what you are not. It is hard when the line between "friends" and "people who speak nicely to you when they see you" is marked clearly in the dirt.

Being a girl is really tough sometimes.