Wednesday, November 16, 2011

the circle

They say winners never quit, and quitters never win. But I have never quit, and yet I am not winning.

And they say if you do what you always do, you'll get what you've always gotten. I don't always do what I always do, and yet I continue to get what I have always gotten.

I try so hard, and only get the same runaround.

I don't really understand what it is about me that keeps me on the fringe, the outskirts, the perimeter. I find myself in this place over and over and over again and despite my attempts at running headlong into the circle, I always get pushed back.

So I guess being on the "outside" is the cool place to be? Or maybe the people in the circle are all just jerks and deserve to be sinfully happy together? Or maybe I belong on the border because there are other people on the border who need to be loved and accepted and appreciated.

No matter the reason, my heart still wants to be in the circle. It always has. And it is hard when reality slaps you in the face and reminds you of who and what you are not. It is hard when the line between "friends" and "people who speak nicely to you when they see you" is marked clearly in the dirt.

Being a girl is really tough sometimes.

5 comments:

  1. I am sorry KT! It does get better. You will find people whose circle your in! I promise.

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  2. Hi Katie. My name is Brandy and I stumbled upon your blog recently by sheer accident only to realize that I've met you before! It was one of those click here, jump here, click here sort of things and so here I am. My husband Chris went to school with your husband Blake at UA last year and the year before and I think we met a few times. Anyway, I wanted to say hi and I know how you feel and I hope that tomorrow you feel better. And, I just head to let you know that you obviously have some blog presence in the blogosphere:)

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  3. Thanks, ladies! :) Some days you just have to be real and let it all out there. Glad you all know what I mean!


    Brandy - Yes, I remember you!!! I hope you guys are doing well! I'm glad you found me!

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