The recent news about budget cuts in the department of education has not made it easy for me to sleep at night. Graduation is just around the corner, which means now is the time to start looking for a job. The only problem is that there are no jobs, and with the budget in shambles, I don't know if there will be any jobs. And what jobs are out there will be highly competitive. But, I'm clinging to a promise God gave me, and relying on His faithfulness throughout the whole process of returning to school to pursue a career in education. "God is bigger than the education budget!" - That is my motto.
For the past few months, I have been praying Philippians 4:6-7 quite frequently. It is my go-to passage when I start to feel the anxiousness about employment rise up in the pit of my stomach. I am a worrier by nature, so I often get caught up in the "what if's" of life. The biggest "what if" of my life is going on right now... What if I don't get a teaching job?
Yesterday was another one of those days where I was feeling unnervingly anxious. The realty of paying back school loans on top of living expenses post-nuptials was laying heavily on my heart. So, I started praying Philippians 4:6-7, and the gentle weight of God's words pressed on my anxious heart.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I have this unfounded belief that if I pray hard enough, I will somehow coerce God into granting me a job. It's a very legalistic view, and I don't really believe it, but at the same time, I want to believe it. I want to believe that I can talk God into what I think is best. But, in reality, I know that praying isn't about convincing God of anything, but instead changing my heart and conforming my will to His. These verses reminded me yesterday that what I need most is God's overwhelming peace, and for Him to guard my heart and my mind against worry, lies, and fear. All other needs are secondary, and will come with time.
God will provide; He always has and He always will. He is bigger than the education budget, bigger than my student loans, and bigger than the first year of marriage. And He is big enough to cover me in His grace and peace along the journey to wherever it is He is taking me.
On another note, today marks 100 days until our wedding! If ever there was a story of God's faithfulness, this is it! The next 100 days, I am sure, will go by quickly and I am hoping to savor up every moment. :)