Everyone struggles with something. Some people are neurotic about the condition of their house, some people are OCD about clipping coupons, some people are nerdy foodies, and so on (and, at times, I am all three of those things rolled into one). My problem is a little more complex... I am consumed with productivity.
I have this "thing" with being productive. If I relax, I feel guilty. If I overwork myself, I feel overwhlemed. I have yet to find the "perfect" balance (if such a thing exists), and I often relate my self-worth to my level of productivity.
This past semester has been extremely busy. Between student teaching, trying to graduate , getting married, and trying to find a place of live... whew! I'm tired just at the thought! It's just been flat-out, non-stop busy. And, although I love to be productive, I hate being busy. Surprisingly (or not), I am an introvert, and I need some alone time every day. I hate having something to do every night of the week and on the weekend. I like to have time to chill and work on my scrapbook. But, this semester hasn't always allowed for much calmness. At times, it's been so stressful that I have wondered if I want to teach until retirement age. I've wondered if this really is what I want to do for the next twenty years or so.
Then, I read a news article that said people who are stressed because they work hard at a job they love actually live LONGER than people who have relaxing, calm, and stress-free lives. WORD! I definitely love what I do and it is definitely stressful! So, now, I am trying to embrace the stress... hoping it'll keep my heart ticking just a wee bit longer... so I can be more productive.... crap. ;)