Friday, December 31, 2010

Going There: Hovering & Germ-a-phobes

I've decided to start a new little mini-series on my blog, called "Going There". I have a lot of opinions in my little brain and some of them aren't necessarily the most lady-like or tactful, but you know... sometimes you just have to get in the trenches, speak your mind and throw the social graces out of the window.

Today's post - on hovering and germ-a-phobes - comes after spending a fair amount of time in public restrooms (particularly the bathroom at the TUSCALOOSA TARGET - SO stinking gross!) through the holidays and as Blake and I traveled back and forth to Muscle Shoals, Alabama. For many many many years, I have been around women who "hover." For you gents, "hovering" is a term used when a woman oh-so-carefully "squats" over the toilet. (See, I just went THERE.) Many women do this because they are afraid to put their booty on the toilet seat in fear of contracting some sort of toilet disease. This is also where the germ-a-phobe rant comes in, but I'll give my logical explanation for why I am NOT afraid of germs in just a moment.

The MAIN problem I have with "hovering" is that some women don't do it properly and leave a bigger mess than they started with! (Yes, I just went THERE, too!) If you can't hover properly, then you shouldn't hover at all OR you should learn to look behind you and WIPE THE SEAT! The reason bathrooms get so nasty is because OTHER WOMEN who HOVER and do it improperly! If we would all just put our tooshies on the seat and go to the restroom like a normal person, the bathrooms would be CLEAN! Drives me wild.

So, on to the germ-a-phobes... I have lots of friends who are finicky about germs and I love you all dearly and mean no harm by this post. Except to say that germ-a-phobic tendencies may be the reason I don't spend much time with you... :) Kidding. But on a serious note, I am no enemy to germs, within reason. My theory is this: Germs are everywhere. You cannot escape them. Ever. There are germs in your eyelashes... and in your nostrils... not all germs are good ones, but some germs can help build up your immune system.

I like to pride myself in being a relatively healthy person and I attribute my good health to the fact that I don't sanitize every single little thing. There are some things I am cautious about - food-borne bacteria and dust, for instance. I AM very cautious about food contamination (food poisoning is no joke!) and I just generally hate dust. And, if someone in my house is ACTUALLY sick, I do what I can to avoid their germs and I am not afraid to bust out the Lysol. But do I get the paper towel in the restroom ready before I wash my hands so that I can use it a barrier between me and the faucet and the bathroom door post-washing? No. Do I use hand sanitizer after I touch a restaurant menu? No. Do I use hand sanitizer after I wipe a kid's boogers? Yes. Definitely yes to that. Do I hover when I go to a public restroom? Absolutely not. Never have... and as much as I have traveled and use public restrooms, I surely should have gotten SOME sort of booty disease by now.... :)

So, to all you hover-ers and germ-a-phobes out there, I love you and your extreme need to be free of germs... but I hate to break it to you, you have germs in your eyelashes and in your bed just like everybody else. You will never escape them. :)

Oh, and Happy New Year. I guess I should've written a New Year's post instead..... oops! :)


  1. If you sprinkle
    When you tinkle
    Please be neat
    And wipe the seat.

    C'mon, ladies. It's not so hard! (I'm so not a germaphobe, either.)

  2. I agree 100000% with this post! Hayes has been sick ONCE in her life and that was probably because I had to take her to the doctor for her wellness check when she was 2 months old - and there were children hacking everywhere. After that, she has never been sick again - and I honestly believe it's because we embrace germs as a part of life. We are clean but not overzealous with our sanitizing!