Like most Christians, I struggle with the idea that God is sovereign. That He is the orchestrator of life and that all things happen under His command. And that when bad things happen, He is somehow working them out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
When we found out we were expecting, I had to come face to face with this struggle. The idea that by the time we got the "big fat positive," everything about our baby had already been determined was overwhelming. Pregnant moms spend hours upon hours figuring out how they can do everything just right so that they will produce a healthy baby. But I already knew that the health and development of Baby Ball are in God's hands. From the color of BB's hair to the makeup of its DNA to its personality - already determined by our loving Creator.
There are things I can do to help BB's development - take vitamins, sleep on my left side at night, avoid roller coasters and high-contact sports, and so on. But at the end of the day, it is God who is in control. And trusting Him that He knows best is the scariest and yet the most secure experience yet.
It's scary because I know it's out of my hands. That doesn't stop me from taking care of myself and the baby. It doesn't stop me from applying to every single job that opens up. It doesn't stop me from praying for the miraculous. I have to do what I can do and let Him do the rest. And sometimes, He tells me to stop doing. That's even scarier, but it usually ends with amazing results!
But it's secure because I know it's in His hands. Knowing that He has always been faithful to me is the best reminder that His sovereignty is pure. I trust that when hard times come, He is going to be faithful. Not because of anything I have done, but because the glory will be His in the end. And when all is going well, I often find myself in awe of his favor and mercy. I rest easy in the sovereignty of God because I know this life is fleeting. My treasures are in Heaven and as long as my perspective stays on the eternal, I can be at peace with whatever comes my way.
I guess I should put a disclaimer that, as far as we know, BB is perfectly healthy. I don't want to scare anyone into thinking this is a post about grappling with bad news. We have only had good news, and I pray that continues. I also don't have any bad news about the job hunt (although I don't really have any good news, either!!!). But these things have just been on my heart... trusting God, trusting His will, and knowing that He is forever faithful.
Isaiah 55:8-9 ~ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Psalm 71:20 ~ "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up."
James 1:2-3 ~ "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."