If you have met me or read this blog, you can probably tell that I often struggle with perfection. I want to do everything right, do everything well, and to just do, well, everything. I want to have family time every night. I want to cook healthy, homemade meals every night. I want to keep my house in order. I want to save the right amount of money for retirement. I want to wear the right clothes with the right shoes. I want to spend the right amount of hours sleeping. I want to read the right books. I want to rock my baby to sleep each night without thinking of all the other things I "need" to be doing. I want to be as efficient as possible with every single thing I do. It just goes on and on...
And while there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be able to do all of those things, the reality of my current phase of life makes some of those things nearly impossible. And even if they aren't impossible, I'm learning I can only have one #1 priority.
I read this post about balancing responsiblities while being a mother to young children and it really did a number on my heart. In it, there is a picture that says "The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are: Daily Scripture Study, and prayer, and weekly Family Home Evening." (The Family Home Evening is a Mormon thing, but you understand what it means.)
I was reminded of what my priorities as a parent really are - and they have very little to actually do with my family. They have to do with being first and foremost a disciple of Christ. If I don't meet with God daily and commune with Him, I'm missing the boat altogether. I may be standing on the dock with my suitcases and passport in hand, but I'm not ready to set sail.
With that said, I'm learning daily not only how to prioritize but also what to prioritize. How important is it that my entertainment center is dust-free? Does it really matter that our Tuesday night dinner doesn't have a single green vegetable in it? Is there eternal significance in whether or not I totally loved my outfit for the day?
The truth of the matter is that, no, these things don't really matter. I do believe that I'm responsible for my family and home, so those things will always be a priority to me and I will always strive for the best when it comes to those two things. But am I putting them above my relationship with Christ or even my relationship with my husband? Sometimes, yes.
So today is a new day and I'm working hard to realign my responsiblities to appropriately reflect the things that are most important to me.
1. Discipleship and servanthood to God, His Kingdom, and the Church
2. My relationship with my husband
3. My child
4. Taking care of myself (time alone, rest, hobbies, etc.)
5. My family and friends (building relationships)
6. Taking care of my home (cleanliness, order, meals, bills, etc.)
7. Documenting life (journals, photo books, this blog, etc.)
8. My career and continuing education
That's it. Those are my main priorities. They have to do a little shifting from time to time, but the big picture is that they fall in line with what matters most to me in this life. I think over the next eight weeks, I'll focus on each area and discuss how I'm balancing the list as a whole.
What are your priorities as a mom, wife, or woman? How do you maintain your relationships, career, home, hobbies? I want to hear from you!
I'm a little late on this one, but... here goes!
Successes
- To combat Maleah's constant crankiness, we started putting her in bed a little earlier than we had been to see if she would mysteriously sleep better. She had been sleeping 7:45-6:15 and now she sleeps from 7:30-6:45/7. So, she's getting almost an hour more than she was and her mood has greatly improved!
- We are also doing much better with meals! I made a few freezer foods (avocado, sweet potatoes, and squash/zucchini) that are easy go-to healthy options. And we discovered the squeezable pouches - Maleah LOVES them! They are expensive, but they're worth it! We usually give her table food and then offer a pouch at lunch and/or dinner if she didn't eat very well.
- Maleah's vocabulary amazes me. Here are the words she knows and says in context: uh-oh, please, more, done/all done, pa-pa (paci - though we don't use one anymore!), no, mama, dada, school, bye-bye, cookie, cracker, and milk (which sounds like "mick"... SO cute!), pig, gooh guh ("good girl"), and lots of other things! She can make lots of animals sounds and she can point to her nose, ears, eyes, belly, mouth, fingers, and toes! I just did not know they could learn so much at this age!!!
- Our house is paci free!!!!! While we were gone to California, Blake's mom didn't give Maleah a pacifier (upon our request). She hasn't had one in two weeks and so far, so good! She had some screaming fits before naps and bedtime but that only lasted a couple of days.
Stresses
- The day Maleah turned 14 months, we left for California! We did not see her for 9 days. Some people would say that's crazy - and it was, a little! But she was in great hands and we FaceTimed as much as we could! Blake was able to get a lot of work done and we were able to go on our first real vacation since getting married. Maleah was at the perfect age for being gone this long - Blake's mom said she only really fussed when she dropped her off at the church nursery on Sunday! And the moment she saw us when we went to pick her up, she was SO EXCITED! It was so fun to see her recognize us and get so excited about seeing us! She has been VERY clingy the past few week, but we have seen no major issues! Next time we do something like that, hopefully she'll be old enough to tag along! I can say with confidence it would NOT have been a happy time for anyone had she gone with us - the time change, weather, and just general nature of the trip (where Blake worked most of the time and I piddled around) would have been very difficult for her.
- When we picked her up Sunday, I noticed a molar had popped through the skin on her bottom jaw on the right side. She's been really fussy since coming home, but we can't totally tell if it's from readjusting to being home or teething or a combination of the two. We have given her ibuprofen once and it seemed to help some, but we try not to give her medicine unless it's necessary.
Total Messes
- WOW my kid has an attitude! She can be quite sassy when she wants to be! I have never been a very assertive disciplinarian, so I'm having to learn how to balance authority with also just trying to teach her how to appropriately express her feelings. I'm learning that sometimes I need to put my foot down regardless of whether or not she pitches a fit (like the other morning, she tried to squirm and cry as I put her shoes on, but I stuck with it and put her shoes on anyway and she calmed down pretty quickly. One day late last week, she had a seriously major tantrum. I got off work a little early to spend some extra time with her and within 15 minutes of being home, she was ill. Then something happened and she LOST IT. She was rolling around on the floor, kicking her legs, SCREAMING... it was wonderful! :) Tantrums continue to be an issue, but we are learning how to handle them!
Life with a thirteen month old is never boring! I am sure those of you who have had such a creature living in your house will agree! This is an odd stage - she's a baby, and yet she's nearly a toddler. She has opinions and feelings and understands more than we give her credit for. Now that we're beyond a year old, I will keep updating monthly (for how long? I dunno...), but I want to switch it around a bit.
In the beginning, we were heavily focused on a daily routine. We still like to stay in a pattern for the day, but we aren't as focused on what time things are happening (except wake-up and bedtime, those stay the same every day). She's fairly easy to read, so we just adjust what needs to happen based on what she is telling us. Currently, her routine at home goes like this:
6:30-7 ~ Wake up, have a sippy cup of milk, eat breakfast within 15-30 minutes of finishing milk (she's like her mama, needs a little time before eating!)
7-9ish ~ Play, leftover breakfast as a snack somewhere around 8/8:30
9-11 ~ A nap somewhere in there
11:30ish ~ Lunch with a sippy of milk
11:30-2:30 ~ Play, snack somewhere around 1/2pm
1:30-4 ~ A nap somewhere in there
4/4:30 ~ Light snack
6 ~ Dinner with a sippy of milk
7:15 ~ Bath, sippy of milk, quiet time, in bed by 7:45
At daycare, she basically does the same thing during the day except she takes her nap from 11:30-2:30 (usually 2-2.5 hours) instead of a morning and afternoon nap. Sometimes she will only take one nap at home, but it just depends. I'm not going to revisit this daily routine in my monthly updates unless something drastically changes. But basically, her life is: wake up, eat, play, eat, nap, eat, play, eat, nap, eat, play, eat, bed. Got that?
Successes:
- She drinks a "normal amount" of whole milk during the day. She transitioned very easily to milk and a sippy cup with a straw. She is offered 4 cups of milk a day right now (one before bed), but usually only drinks about 3 full cups' worth of milk.
- She continues to sleep through the night with very little night waking. She sleeps 10-11 hours each night, with either one or two naps during the day (usually a total of 3 hours for naps). Right around one year, she was waking early (before 6am) out of hunger and that phase seems to have passed.
- She walks and is gaining in confidence! She likes to walk hand-in-hand with you, provided you are letting her lead the way!
- She can sign "all done" and "more" in context.
- She can say several words and understands their meaning - "bath," "diaper," "pa-pa" (pacifier) and "bite" (eat) have all been very helpful lately!
- She enjoys playing with us, with her peers, and by herself.
- We know she's truly hungry when we say, "Do you want to eat?" and she starts smacking her lips! It is the funniest little thing!
Stresses:
- While Maleah is a good eater, meal times have been a bit hectic lately. We are still figuring out what she likes to eat, how much she likes to eat at one time, and how often. I have decided to continue to make some homemade purees so we can have quick access to healthy foods. She likes the taste of several different foods, but she can't quite chew some of them yet. So, I think continuing to do some chunky purees will help us through this period.
- She is quite the Mama's Girl, most of the time. Not that I mind, but it can be quite difficult to cook dinner over a hot stove with someone at your feet screaming for you to hold them!
- Someone has learned to form her own opinions! You can't really argue with a 13-month-old, though, so we are learning how to handle her moments of stubbornness with grace, love, and a little bit of "We can't hear you!!!".
- Throwing food... or should I say dropping food... while staring at you as you say "No ma'am"... and she does it anyway...
- Car seat drama - Okay, it's not really drama. We bought her a convertible car seat for my car back in the fall in hopes that we could turn her around after her first birthday. Well, she does not weigh enough for that particular seat to be forward-facing just yet. I was kinda bummed - I was looking forward to turning her around for easier access to the seat. However, the AAP does recommend children stay rear-facing until 2 years of age (or longer) and truthfully, other than the awkwardness of getting her in and out (my car is so small!), she doesn't mind being backwards and since we don't know any different, I haven't really given it much thought until I sat down to write this post! We will most likely leave her rear-facing until her 2nd birthday.
Total Messes:
- Hellooooooo tantrums! While I must say we have not entered FULL BLOWN TANTRUM LAND yet, we are getting close. Very close. Right now, the fits are kinda cute. I mean, when she's laying on the floor crying and keeps looking up to see what your response is, it's hard not to smile (WHEN SHE LOOKS AWAY, of course!)! It's so funny to watch her learn how to read other people's reactions. She also is very dramatic when she is upset. There is a difference between angry crying and upset crying - upset crying is pretty pitiful and she does a great job of making us feel horrible for whatever we have done (like offering her a sippy cup of water instead of milk...)
- Poop happens. Except sometimes it doesn't and apparently it's pretty painful. So you are told to give your child milk of magnesia, which then causes poop to happen again... in mass quantities. So much that they get an awful diaper rash and SCREAM in pain when you change their diaper, no matter how much cream you have tried to put on them to buffer the damage. Lesson learned, friends. Lesson learned.
- Pink eye, allergies, stomach bug... ugh. We need warm weather so we can get out of our house!
I have to say, we are really getting into a fun stage in life with her! It's so amazing to think she was once just a flickering heart beat on a screen. And now that little heart is beating away inside of a funny little girl. Being her mom is AWESOME!
